I had to blog this so I would not forget the details of what has happened the past 12 days. The MANY "winks" I have received from God and his many angels. It has been very powerful and why I am sitting down to write this.
Grandpa (aka Popo) and Grandma were very near and dear to many. They had 6 children, 16 grandchildren and 18 great-grandchildren. Popo and Grandma had no "in-laws". You were their child....even by marriage. I never knew what an "in-law" was because they loved each of their children the same. Popo would "count" all of his grandchildren including the "in-laws" in his grandchild count.....by his count, he would have 43 grand and great grandchildren (not including Kathryn's bunch...including Kathryn's crew it was in the 60s I believe!)
Grandma died 15.5 years ago and was not on this earth to see her great grandchildren, but we all know she is smiling down on each one of them. Sweet sweet grandma should have died nearly 3 times between breast cancer (was given 6 months to live and lived over 20+ years later), triple by pass heart surgery (given 20 minutes to live on the table and lived 12 years later), and bone cancer (they said they could not remove the tumor on her spine b/c her heart wasn't strong enough to live thru surgery, she said she didn't care....and she lived years after that as well). Grandma would joke and say "God is not ready for me yet".
(Grandkids)
(Popo and Grandma)
Grandma knew when she passed, Popo could not live on his own. You would have to know him to understand, but when you are married over 50 years to someone and have been taken care of......you just don't know how to live on your own after the other passes. Grandma would joke and say, "When will you remarry after I die?" Popo would say, "Depends on what day of the week you die!" ;) Popo was always the one saying something witty, funny, and sometimes inappropriate!
After Grandma passed away 15.5 years ago, Popo did remarry. He married Grandma Kathyrn. She was a kind, loving, sweet sweet woman. I am so happy Popo found Kathryn to share 14 years together. Sadly, Popo lost Kathryn as well last year. Now.......he had 2 angels in heaven watching over him!
(Big Popo and Kathryn, Mima Sue and Popo Jim...Anna asleep in Big Popo's arms)
There are countless stories and things I could share, but I want to remember the past 12 days.
Popo fell November 4th and broke his hip....never good news when you are 89.5 years old. They did hip replacement surgery on November 5th. There were complications during surgery and he was not well immediately following. Charlie and I were in Antigua for our anniversary. It was so hard to relax since Mom was at our house watching our little ones and Popo in ICU.....it was not one of our most restful get aways.
Grandpa was "up" and "down" on how well he was doing following surgery and us returning from the Caribbean. I was not sure if I should go see him or not. No one knew "how much" time we had left with him. It changed by the day and some days by the hour. A friend said to me, "Liz, don't you want to go and kiss his face one last time while he is on this earth?" This was such a powerful statement. YES, I did want to kiss his face one last time, even if he "didn't know", I knew he would "know".
It was now November 17th and Charlie was out of town for the next 4 days. But, his trip was shortened and it would only be 3 days, he would be home Wednesday night. I did some searching...and I found a flight out on Thursday morning (November 20th) and home Friday night. It was just $98 roundtrip. BOOKED!!
On Wednesday, November 19th, I get a call from my Mom about 3:00 pm. Popo was rushed to the hospital, it was not looking good, my aunt did not know if he would make it to the hospital. I was so upset. I was leaving in 12 hours to see him, and I was maybe going to be too late. I prayed to Grandma. Grandma, I want to see him, I want to see him and kiss him 1 more time. Later that afternoon, I got a text from Mom....Popo was alert and hungry ;) !! Maybe I was going to get to see him....Thank you Grandma!
Thursday morning I left VERY early. I got to the hospital in Cincinnati about 9:30am. Popo knew who I was when I saw him. I looked him directly in his eyes, I told him "I LOVE YOU!" He locked my gaze and said, "I LOVE YOU baby!" I kissed him and told him how happy I was to see him. I fed him breakfast and I talked and talked to him ( I am sure it is hard for you to believe, but yes, I just kept talking to him and showing him pictures on my phone). When he was tired, I would hold his hand while he slept. He was the most calm when someone would hold his hand. I am so grateful for these moments, quiet time, with my Popo, holding his hand, a chance for me to care for him and comfort him as he did for me the last 39 years. I am eternally grateful to my sweet friend who asked me, "Don't you want to kiss his face one last time?" At one point, I looked at him, and he smiled right at me and again, locked my gaze....I held his hand.
I told Charlie before I left, I wanted to hear Grandpa say "ELIZABETH", in just the way he can say my name. I can't quite imitate it. My hope came true, he called my name out 2 times while I was there. It filled my heart to hear him say my name.
I left to visit one of my teachers from high school, Mrs. Herring, and see an old friend that works at my high school. Mrs. Herring was one of my favorite teachers and has been so good about keeping in touch with me and my family! As we met on Thursday, Mrs. Herring told me she was teaching the seniors about LOVE, we caught up on our families and the changes at the high school. I was fortunate to spend a some time with Mrs. Herring and catch up in person. When I left, I could not help myself but think about the lesson she is working on with her students. LOVE. My grandparents....that is all they knew how to do....LOVE. They loved so many and so many loved them. Married 50 years to each other, and Grandpa married another 14 years to Kathryn. LOVE is giving, LOVE is receiving, LOVE is forgiving, LOVE is kind, LOVE is gentle. Popo loved to love. I left my high school, drove to the hospital thinking....yep, one word that would sum up my Popo is LOVE.
When I got to the hospital Thursday afternoon, he was not well. He was in a lot of pain. I asked him if he wanted something for his pain, he said Yes. They gave him some meds, and he slept the rest of the afternoon/evening I was there. At this time, Popo was sharing a room with another man in the hospital (Gpa was later moved to a private room). The nice gentleman was headed out for surgery. My aunt thanked him for being so kind and understanding the past 24 hours. The man was very sweet. He turned to me and said, " And you, You are a very special granddaughter." I could not look at him, I could not speak. I had no words, just tears. Later...the words came to me...."But, he is a very special grandfather!"
My aunt and uncles were at the hospital and were meeting with more doctors that evening. I left to see my BFF from grade school, Angie. I was spending the night at her house. I called my Mom, my Dad, my sister and Charlie that evening and told them we did not have much time left with Popo. Little did I know it was going to be less than 24 hours....
The next morning, I went back to the hospital at the same time, about 9:30AM. I knew when I saw Popo, this was it. I have never been around someone who was dying, but this is what I thought it would look like. I held his hand, and hugged him as much as I could while the doctors got him comfortable. Angie had told me that she wanted to take me to lunch, I had to eat and she would pick me up. I took her up on the offer, as my Aunt would be at the hospital, but I wanted to come back at 1:00pm. There was a "family" meeting scheduled with what the next steps for him would be. I did not want to attend the meeting, I simply wanted someone in the room with Popo while his children sat in the other room making difficult decisions on what his future held. I did not want him to be alone. Angie brought me back, my aunt and uncles went to the difficult meeting.
As I held Popo's hand, I told him it was ok to go. I prayed to Grandma and Kathryn to take him home, he needed to be with them. I took my Ipad and googled prayers for the dying. The prayers pulled up happened to be to St. Joseph (my Popo's middle name). I held his hand and prayed. I felt him getting colder. I was concerned. Receiving the Last Rites would be very important to Grandpa. I know this was part of the "family meeting". I was then praying....don't you die on my watch, not on my watch ;) I saw the hospice doctor in the hallway, I asked her how much longer would the meeting be? She told me they still had to sign papers, etc. I explained to her my concern that Popo continued to grow colder. The doctor felt him, and said I will be right back. My aunt and uncles then walked into the room with the priest following shortly behind. I stayed for the Last Rites, and said my final goodbye to my Popo. I kissed him, told him I loved him and thanks for being the best grandpa. I was invited to stay by my aunt and uncles, but I really felt this was their time, their father, their final moments with him. My heart was full, I saw him, I loved on him and it was their time. And little did I know....I had another mission that I was about to go on.......
I saw the hospice doctor in the hall as I left the hospital. I asked how much longer? She told me it would be today, but several more hours. It was approximately 1:45pm at this point.
I left the hospital in tears. In fact, I rode up and down in the elevator not thinking clearly and not knowing quite how to get back to my car. When I got to my car, I called Angie. After we had lunch, she told me, "I will be across the street running errands if you need me." Well, I didn't know where to go or who to call. I called Angie sobbing, only the way you can call your BFF of 26 years. Angie told me to meet her at the Starbucks at the mall, we would sit, talk, and have a cup of coffee. I drove over to the mall, started to get out of the car when something said to me, "GO TO GRANDMA's GRAVE". WHAT? I heard it again. So, I get back into my car and call Angie. I tell her I can't meet her, I have to go to my Grandma. Angie was confused but supportive, she told me to do what I needed to do. Angie helped me figure out the best way to get to the cemetery. I drove to the cemetery.
I pulled up, knew exactly where Grandma was in the mausoleum. I got out of the car, and went to Grandma. I prayed to her. Take him, please, please take him home. My grandparents friends are buried under my Grandma, I prayed to them. I prayed to Kathryn. Take Popo home. I sat down on the bench, I prayed. I pulled out the phone and I prayed. I looked up at the mausoleum from the bench and saw the most beautiful picture. The sun was shining so brillantly on the granite. I stopped and took a picture.
Grandma is down 1 row and to the left of the sun. As I sat and admired this site...I heard something again, "Get flowers to welcome him home". I remember thinking, what. Then, I heard it again, "Get flowers to welcome him home."
I listened. It has only been 30 minutes since I left the hospital. I left the mausoleum and went to Kroger. My phone rang 1 time, it was my Mom. I missed the call. But, it only rang 1 time. I tried to call her back, and it went straight to voicemail, I thought she accidentally dialed me. I wondered aimlessly around the Kroger floral department and finally left. I went to the flower store across the street. I left my sunglasses on to hide my sobs and told the woman I need flowers for a vase at the mausoleum. I was not sure how big, but could she help me cut some flowers? The woman saw my sadness, I could tell. She worked quickly and quietly, checking in with me periodically. All I could muster was usually a head nod, OK. I paid for the flowers and thanked the woman for helping me.
When I got in the car, I saw a missed call from Charlie. Quickly, I dialed Charlie back. I told him about the Last Rites, I told him there was not much time left. He told me, it already happened, Popo already passed. WHAT? HOW COULD THIS BE? The doctor told me hours, it had only been 30 minutes since I left the hospital?!? I called my Mom. She told me he passed about 2:15/2:20. I went back to my phone....and saw the time stamp....
I went back to the cemetery, my heart in a million pieces. I placed the flowers in the vase and was moved to tears again. The sun, was shining DIRECTLY on PRUS....my grandparents headstone. It was God's light shining on my Popo <3....welcoming him HOME. A warm sense of peace washed over me.......Popo was HOME!
I was heartbroken, as were many, many other people. Word spread very quickly of his passing. I had a FB message within the hour from a family friend that I have known since I can remember and have not seen in many many years....I have known this sweet friend maybe since I was 5 years old? She sent me the sweetest message less than an hour after Popo passed and it was affirmation at how many people Grandpa touched in his 89 years of life. My Popo may be not with us on earth, but he will live forever in our hearts and thru the legacy that He and Grandma left behind.....
Yesterday while I was out on my run, this older man (75+) passed me riding his bike. He was riding slowly, wearing shorts, with his white tube socks pulled all the way up. It made me smile. That was Popo when he was riding his bike around town. As I was finishing up my run, I was running out of energy. Out of the 500 songs on my playlist...guess what song started playing, "Kind and Generous" by Natalie Merchant. Yes, the song my Popo and I danced to at our wedding. It was just what I needed to finish up my long run yesterday....more "winks" from Popo and God.
Grateful for my sweet friend that asked me if I wanted to kiss my Popo 1 more time, grateful Charlie's trip was shorter than expected, grateful I bought my $98 ticket, grateful Popo did not die on Wednesday, grateful he knew me on Thursday, grateful I LISTENED, grateful I could hold his hand, love and comfort him, grateful to have felt God's peace and presence, grateful for the LOVE of my grandparents the past 39 years here on earth and their continued LOVE from above today.
I learned so much during these past 12 days. Most of all I learned...LOVE. That is one of the many legacies left behind by my Grandparents. LOVE. And I learned to LISTEN. Sometimes life gets so busy we do not stop to LISTEN for these "winks" or voices from God. Take the time to LISTEN and LOVE! <3
2 comments:
Such a beautiful blog Liz, simply beautiful! (Tears streaming down my face) I think your Angels in heaven must have also been with you when you wrote this, it's amazing, you're amazing! Love to all, Debby
God's handprints are all over this Liz. What a testimony to the love, comfort and peace He gives to those we are willing to receive it. Well done sharing so that others will be encouraged and Christ is given the glory. I pray you continue to feel His comfort and joy remembering how much you are loved.
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